When We’re Not Together #2

Have you ever had that paranoia feeling when you are apart from your partner?

1. He’s definitely changing

2. He doesn’t text me back, and if he does, it’s just an ‘okay’.

3. He seems distant.

4. He’s happy! Oh my God, he’s happy when we’re not together!

5. See? He diverted his eyes when I asked him questions! He’s hiding something!!

and ..

6. Oh my God, we’re not good together! We’re breaking up!!!

Well, based on my experience, all of those are just women impulses when they’re having a really bad day. So instead of read and re-read his texts (try to decipher codes that might be hidden there), try this:

1. Play trivia games. I tried purposegames.com they have lots of trivia on Geography. I’m obsessed of getting all the dots green (correct without help), I spent almost 3 hours on this web and completely forgot that I had to meet my boyfriend.

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Obsessed!

2. The reason why I start this game, Oceans and Seas of the world, was because this book I’m reading. So yes, please ladies, read. It’s a good exercise. Before this, I read a biography of the Prophet Muhammad by Karen Armstrong and realized that reading non-fiction is as interesting as fiction. 🙂

Atlantic by Simon Winchester

3. Catch up with friends. I met my good friends Aisha and Rita. Aisha lives in France with her husband and she has just finished her master degree in oil engineering, and also the same for Rita, she just finished her master as well, in business and management. I am a one proud friend. Because I also have just finished my celta, so our brunch (who extended to after lunch) was some sort of celebration. Hooray.

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non-judging breakfast club

4. Evaluate your plan. This is the perfect timing, new year and new plan. I was bbm-ing my boyfriend and told him on and on of how a bookstore supposed to be, how sad books that are available in our town bookstores, and he said casually, ‘well, make your own then.’ and an image of Meg Ryan in her little bookstore in ‘You’ve Got Mail’ flashing back. So yep, I’m starting my bookstore! I’ve been calling publishers and distributors and have a vision of how the bookstore gonna help the community. Reading is actually one of the fastest way to learn a language. 😀

Little bookstore of my dream

5. Browse more, learn more. I’ve come to some really great sites like brainpicking.org and exp.lore.com, I also love swiss-miss.com these sites are good for daily browse, they always have interesting stuff. Things I read on brainpicking last night was suited my situation. The science of love, a study by Barbara Frederickson, PH. D, she studies how physically connected is important in love.

You no doubt try to ‘stay connected’ when physical distance keeps you and your loved ones apart. You use the phone, e-mail, and increasingly texts or Facebook, and it’s important to do so. Yet your body, sculpted by the forces of natural selection over millennia, was not designed for the abstractions of long-distance love, the XOXs and LOLs. Your body hungers for more.

True connection is one of love’s bedrock prerequisites, a prime reason that love is not unconditional, but instead requires a particular stance. Neither abstract nor mediated, true connection is physical and unfolds in real time. It requires sensory and temporal copresence of bodies .

Physical presence is key to love, to positivity resonance.

Just makes me want to hug my stupid boyfriend very tight.

I think when we’re together too often, the resonance won’t always be positive. My friend, Ruddy, who just got back from a 3 weeks vacation from London, visiting his girlfriend said it was the best 3 weeks in his life. They were emitting positive resonances because they’ve been missing each other for quite some time. Nothing stays positive forever. Having a person by your side 24/7 can be really stressing and has negative impact.

To touch your loved ones is important, to be physically connected. But having a time of your own is also good, because then you miss the connection. You appreciate it and when you’re having it, you don’t take it for granted.

So, being away from your loved ones I think, is healthy in a way. 🙂

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When We’re Not Together

A new year has come and the first month almost ends. December was a blur, I finished my CELTA and began to work in my old place, realized that everything was not the same anymore. It was such a weird feeling, how you realized that your old ways of doing things wasn’t gonna work anymore. That you’ve discovered something but you couldn’t work it out what was it just yet. But one thing is clear, you need to learn more because you’ve seen more.

I’ve spent most of my days around my boyfriend. It was our routines and unspeakable schedule, that dinner was meant to be had together, that when I finished my work we met, that we shared almost every moment. And it was… suffocating. I didn’t realized it before and didn’t put much thought about it. But it’s like breathing a new air when I’m alone. It’s fresh and exciting. I can compile things that scattered in my brain and I do what I need to do better when I’m alone.

Am I bored? Is he? Well, it’s obvious we’re facing the mundane life of couples and we both hate it. One night, tired after work, worn out by non-stop cough, we talked. He said that he felt this was how a relationship should be. I said it is how it should be, but it also not how it supposed to be. We love each other and being in each other company, but there has to be something more than that. In the company of each other, or being in a relationship in general has to have some benefits for each individual. It’s a very tricky situation, how do you say that you’re bored with the relationship but not with the person you’re with?

He said, ‘If this is how you want it, I’ll do it.’ although it was so sweet of him, I was unhappy about how he said it. Isn’t it just the contrary of how a healthy relationship should be? We supposed to be able to fulfill each other’s desire. By agreeing to sacrifice for a relationship, it’s not a relationship at all. It becomes a work, a job, a duty to satisfy your significant other. What for? For keeping the relationship? To make it last longer which means, more works for each one. Relationship becomes the enemy of love.

While I explained it to him (as best as I could), he touched my arm and cheek, he said -with a look that I’ve been missing- ‘This is why I do it, this is why we do it. This kind of feeling, being with you, is the reason.’

It comes down to a simple thing at the end: love is irrational, but relationship is all about logic. We can’t work on love, but relationship is all about system. So we decided to try to loosen up a bit and as a result, something just grow a bit stronger than before. We didn’t spend time together for the weekend, but it was a really, really good feeling.

I miss him and not miss him at the same time. When we’re not together, I don’t feel less loved.

When I’m alone, I restore myself.

– Marilyn Monroe

 

Children Book : The Usborne Little Book of Fairy Stories

My sister bought this book years ago and I always love the illustrations. Tiny people who looked so British with two dots for their eyes and all of them were neatly water-colored.  In The Usborne Little Book of Fairy Stories you can find many short stories about fairies and magic. It was small enough to be put inside a handbag and the stories weren’t so brief that you would finish it in 3 minutes. It was really enjoyable to read.

The illustrator, Stephen Cartwright  (1947 -2004) was a British Illustrator who had illustrated more than 150 books. When I brought this to my work, one of my friend instantly realized  Stephen Cartwright’s work (she had one of his illustrated book too). We spent half an hour flicking through this mini fairy book and admiring the illustrations.

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Children Book: Alice in Wonderland

Forever classic, Lewis Carroll’s fantasy story about a world that exist only in a girl’s dream has been made into lots of version by hundreds of illustrators and movie makers.

This one was Rene Cloke’s version of Alice. Rene Cloke (1904-1995) was an illustrator who was born in Plymouth but spent most of her life in London. She illustrated several of Enid Blyton’s work, including  The Brer Rabbit, The Three Golliwogs, The Adventure of Pip. Her illustration for Lewis Caroll’s Alice was one of her non-Blyton works published by Juvenile Productions in 1949.

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Book : Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland

Author : Lewis Caroll

Illustrator : Rene Cloke

Children Book: Ancient Egypt, Tales of Gods and Pharaohs

We know a lot about ancient Egypt but at the same we don’t really know about it. We’ve heard of Pharaoh and its curse, we’ve seen movies about mummies and the secret of pyramids, we are familiar with names like Ra, Isis, Horus and the famous Cleopatra. But where it all begin? And who comes first and who’s next? In this graphic book about the history of ancient Egypt, you learn about ancient Egypt in a funny and colorful comic format. At the bottom of each page there’s a comic about history of cats and why ancient Egyptians worshiped it. Divided into chapters of each pharaoh’s era, this is a good introduction for not only young learners, but adult too, into Egypt’s ancient history.

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Children Book: The Absolutely Essential Eloise

How can you not fall in love with this naughty, chubby, straw-hair little girl, Eloise? Hilary Knight’s illustration for Eloise really brings little Eloise into life. It’s so full of character that it is impossible for other illustrator to create other Eloise. The book consist only in two tone colors, black and pink (black and blue for ‘Eloise in Paris’). The characters and the texts clustered together in all the pages, makes the reading activity a really fun one. I love Eloise!

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when Eloise and Nanny visited Paris. She met Christian Dior and a dress was made especially for her!

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Books: The Absolutely Essential Eloise and Eloise in Paris

Author : Kay Thompson

Drawings : Hilary Knight

Children Book: How The World Works

How the World Works. A stunning pop-up book introducing the basic science, or how we exist. I love how it explains the creation of earth, uses ‘Recipe of Life’ as its subtitle and funny headings like ‘What goes around comes around’. The popped earth, tree, factories, the space help readers to understand the concept of science interactively. I love this book and won’t let my nieces touch them. :p (until they’re in 3rd grade).

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Book : How The World Works

Author : Christian Dorion

Illustrator : Beverley Young