how to look cool when you’re mad in anger

This christmas, Hendra annoyed me again by bringing his delusional ex for spending christmas with his family. He didn’t tell me a word about it until they’re in his hometown. Now, that’s the line mister. I’m really sorry but I don’t go along with man who said yes to every women. That’s cheap, even for your standard. Okay, so I make a list for my how to (LOL) and since a girl added me on yahoo messenger said she read my blog and understand my position cause she’s been there, maybe this list will do somebody good.

1. laugh at it

and I mean it. sure, you’re in anger. you want to rip him in pieces and want to scream some nasty words toward him when he called you pretending nothing was wrong (oh yes, my ex came with me for christmas, she said she wants to meet my mom. um, that’s normal right?), and last, cry your hearts out why oh why he did this to youuu. But things happen in your life can be classified into two things : tragedy and comedy. So choose comedy instead. I mean, isn’t that hilarious how pathetic his ex is? or how stupid he sounds when he try to sounds cheerful so that you won’t get mad? It takes time, but believe me, when you chose to see everything from comedy’s point of view, life gets easier.

2. go for a drink

No, I don’t mean get wasted. Get your close girlfriends for a martini and some chocolate rum shake, then let them be mad for you. Sometimes you go through a stage when you’re not sure. Not sure whether you have to be mad at him. Not sure if his act is unforgivable. Now, before you reach your blackberry, talk to your girlfriend. One of my friend, said this to my face ( I think she’s a little bit tipsy) “You know, you look stupid because you always go along with him.” and the other say, “I know you’re different with all of his women. Now, prove it to me.” Okay, surely that burns something inside me. Pride. Yes. Sometime your girlfriend reminds you to hold fast onto it. Don’t lose your pride.

3. Cut him off

I deleted him from my blackberry messenger list. Well, sure he still can call me or text me, but at least not by bbm. And let him know that you cut him off. Do a silence treatment. Some says this is childish, but when you’re in anger and you’re sad you might said something you will regret later. So it’s best to just cut him off, don’t talk to him or see him. Maybe until things cool off. Then you can say calmly why you don’t like things he did to you. When you talk to a man in a controlled temper, they pay more respect, but if you blab and put some drama and tears, they’ll think you’re just “being silly”. Trust me, I tried it and it works.

4. Release your anger (in a very lady like way)

Who can keep calm 24/7? We’re not Mother Therese, we have patience sure, but it has limit too. But don’t put some nasty comments on his facebook wall or her facebook wall. Don’t block her or him from your twitter account, and stop dissing him in front of your friends and being sad and gloomy all the time. Have fun, go out, and laugh at the fact he brings his ex to his hometown (oh yeah, that would be funny if I said yes when his mother invited me for christmas, some family gathering huh?). So how to release it? Write some status on your facebook or twitter is okay, but make sure it has hidden message that only you (and your girlfriends) understand. Then have a little laught together.

5. Accept things

To act cool, you have to have a cool mind too. I know it’s hard, but you have to accept things that are not easy. He lied to you, he’s not good for you, or he’s just not that into you. Accept the fact. Accept that you maybe the loser who lost your man, but at least you’re not some loser who still chase the same man after he disappointed you, let you down, and hurt you. No, you’re better than that girl. Accept things and slowly but sure, you can act cool without even trying!

6. Forgive, but not forget

If he ask for forgiveness, that’ll be cruel not to forgive him (even God forgives). I say forgive him, you have a big heart. But now the question is, do you want to get back with him? That totally depends on each of you, all of us have different problems and different situation. Some relationship worth fighting, some not. But always remember this : never be with a man who doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t treat you properly. Don’t be afraid of losing, because some goodbye means another hello. 🙂

7. Have some pride

I don’t have much to say except to have some pride and you will be respected. It comes both ways. You can’t expect you’ll get a respect if you don’t have some pride. I like this saying, “don’t go chasing men, they’re like trains, when the other goes, the other one will come along.”

Goodluck!

 

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stripy couple

Nuy and our dish

Fachril behind the wheel

I spend my Saturday afternoon with two of them.

First I get my bestfriend all by myself, and for our shopping time, her husband came along.

That’s a good thing when your bestfriend’s husband is also your best friend. I always ask him about men’s perspective on  relationship and stuff. (as clueless as us women)

At the end of the day, we go for Maranggi Satay and the three of us talk about how some relationships failed.

I love them.

Kandura Cleaning Day!

Tisa and Nuri, Pak Ayat, apron on, ready to get dirty

me, looks like some crazy hammering on un-used biscuits

this what part of the workshop looks like

Bi Yati, strangely talking to Tisa’s ceramic sculpture

Where Tisa and Nuri works, gossip and play city of wonder :p

Tisa’s work for her exhibition on January

Still laughing, that’s because they just start..

Tisa’s work, a mini cute chair. I want one!

from outside the window, Tisa’s beautiful works, can’t wait for her exhibition!

my favorite place, the alley on their workshop.

Kandura, Christmas Day.

what we are looking for

This new year me and my bestfriend will go for a beach, we’re going to Belitung, a beautiful island in Sumatra with gorgeous beach.I can’t wait for next week and off to white sand and blue sky. 😀 I think, both of us need this.

This past few days, I’ve been thinking about stuff. Especially about the relationship and him. Like usual, he become distance all of sudden, but not like before, this is the first time I really don’t care anymore. It’s true, I’m still thinking about him but it’s like trying to solve a formula and you just too tired to actually care. His words months before coming back to me and I remembered how inappropriate those words are. It’s true I guess wanting someone who doesn’t seems to want you then want you and not want you again can be very interesting, it’s like chasing a ghost and my gosh, how thrilling is that.

But as I sat alone at this restaurant, no one here but me and my laptop, a company of hot tea and it’s almost late in the night, the rain is drizzling and the radio try their best to play a good sappy song, I feel eased.

Last night I met him at my friend’s exhibition opening, I also met her who keep babbling about serious art stuff, and I happened to know that his mom who’s in town went out with his ex who always be a good escort everytime his family member is in town. When he told me this, I can’t help but let out a laugh.

This is stupid. This is a joke. His love life and all of his women is like a charade in a circus. They look ridiculous and though I’m sure they’re smart and nice and all, they look like a clown.  They want more of him, those little pieces he’s giving away and then they want the whole cake.

He asked me why I laughed, I said nothing, but I can see he knows why. Maybe he’ll end up with one of his exes, or one of his many women and they will live happily ever after. I don’t know. But at that moment I was struck how ridiculous all these things are. And I refused to be part of this anymore.

I don’t want to be in those tangled relationship anymore. I guess, what I want it’s the same like what I want before : I want a calm ride on the boat, not a ride in a roller-coaster. I love to enjoy the view rather that have everything blurry because we’re moving too fast. Everybody wants someone, everybody needs to be loved and be a lover, I knew that feeling, I almost see I’m feeling those butterflies and those moment when madness come and then a peaceful feeling when you can rest your head on someone shoulder. I know he wants that too.

But you know there are moments that things just doesn’t work the way we want to. Like an mp3 battery that drained when we still have a long journey to go (and forced to hear the shuttle’s radio), like a long queue to go when we were in the cinema’s ladies room and the movie is just about to start, like a rain that happened to pour just when you decided to left your umbrella at home. Like the feeling of waiting and waiting and then nothing good happened.

Irritated, disappointed, sad.

But at least now I know what I’m looking for and going to do: a long lasting mp3 battery, go to the loo at least fifteen minutes before the movie start, bring an umbrella especially on December, don’t wait but make good thing happened. 🙂

 

on the way home on taxi. my favorite part at every end of days. rain+night+earphone+sit watching traffic outside