our own revolutionary road

I just watched Revolutionary Road, I know I’m late for the buzz. I already heard and read the review for the golden couple movie reunion, and I agree. This movie should get Kate an Oscar (well she did won for the Readers, but I hadn’t had the chance to see it), and I agree the story of Frank and April Wheeler are so real (by real I mean in the ‘hey I know that feeling’ kind of real).

The synopsis : Young couple, Frank (Leo DiCaprio) and April Wheeler (Kate Winslet), fall instantly in love with each other, April was learning to be an actress and Frank was a young boy that full of confident and so alive. When April got pregnant, they moving to a suburb in Connenticut, Frank is working as a salesman in a computer factory and April is a housewife taking care of their two children, and they go on living they perfect life for seven years.

But April is still dreaming for a bigger life, more exciting life, the kind of life she was dreamed she would have with Frank. So, on his 30th birthday, April proposed a plan for their family to move to Paris. She told Frank that she will getting a job as a government secretary, while Frank can figure out what he would like to do with his life. At first, Frank was reluctant with her idea, but she told Frank that this is not the life they was dreaming, not long, Frank is convinced. He was ready to quit his job, they told their friends and collague. All had their doubts about the couple crazy plan.

They already packed and have so much fun planning for their new life in Europe, when things are going wrong for them. First, when Frank told his boss he will be quitting next month, he offered Frank a promotion. Then, April got pregnant and when she told Frank she will have an abortion, Frank was so mad to her. And she mad to Frank because he is have a changing heart in their plan.

And at last, they cancelled Paris. April was so disapointed, but Frank see an escape from a failure in their Paris-plan. When Frank is in his comfort zone again, April was left trapped in her own life. She told her friend, it’s not about Paris, it’s just she want to get in. in a life she should had been have.

And I just can’t help feeling sorry for both of them. They both have so much passion for each other, for live, for future ahead them. And now when life gave them another plate, not the kind they ordered at the first time, they got dissapointed, sad and didn’t feel fulfilled by what they have got, not even their children or their job, or their money.

It will be so much understandable if they are in misery for their life, when they are poor, didn’t have a proper job, can not have children when they want to, or they just simply a boring dull uniterested couple. But they are not, they have a good job that pays good, a big white house, two healthy children, they are good looking and interesting couple.

so why can they be happy for it?

At some point , I can understand, why they felt dissapointed. It’s because they love each other, and depend to each other for live they dreamed, and when it doesn’t happen, they got each other to blame. And then of course, they would hate each other.

That reminds me of some conversation I had not long ago, I , the non-believers in love, was so dumb struck that two of my friends considered their soon to be husband as their soulmate, or their half soul, or .. you get the idea don’t you? It made me so annoyed that they believe in romance, that they believe their decision getting married was a destiny, an answer to some prayer, and that they willing to gave all their heart and soul to their man.

I’m not disagree or thought their decision to marry was wrong, it’s the reason that I can’t stand. They use religion as a reason and love at the same time. So I was curious, was love had something to do with marriage based on our religion? I had a long talk with my other friends, her acknowledge in Islam is far much more than me, she told me what her teacher told her.

If a man was looking for a wife, this is the categories he should consider : a good muslim woman (soleha), a nice looking woman, a good family background, her wealth, and of course a woman he likes.

Love was not mentioned there. So I was left with my own speculation. Islam told us to love Muhammad the prophet, our parents, our husband and wife, even our enemy. so why love was not in the categories in looking for a wife or husband? I came to my conclusion:

Because you can not believe in that kind of love.

because love, when added with lust, will always lie.

and because it’s an emotion that will blinded our faith, made us believe what we want to believe, or see what we want to see.

I’m not saying my friends was wrong. For all I know, I’m the one that could be wrong. Nobody can judge nobody in this kind of case. I’m just pointing my opinion in love.

It’s so funny, that the next day, when we had a conversation with our client, a 50-ish year old woman, a wise wife and a mother, she told us , based on her own experience, ‘you should not feel head over heels for your man, or exaggerate your expression in love, when you marry in an Islam way’

After I see this movie, I kinda understand her at some point. I would never understand the whole point, hence I’m not married to a man for a 20 years. But what she’s saying about marriage, kinda the same with my mom was saying about marriage, and my grandmother saying about her marriage, or my auntie saying about their marriage :

love is a bullshit.

(and yes they both married to the same man for 25 years long and more)

Revolutionary Road

can we survive it Jiw?


agree to disagree

this week, I’m doing a lot of wedding stuff.  My two closest friend are getting married. I’m happy to help them through their hectic time preparing for the wedding. In our culture, it’s not just the wedding that need the prep, but also lamaran (when the boy family asking formally the girl family into marrying their son), akad (when the couple married, usually in mosque, the boy saying ijab kabul, a promise to Allah) and then, the reception (usually held in a wedding venue, with hundred of guests, a lot of buffet, a band and all the guest can say their wishes to the couple in the pelaminan (kinda like a stage), the couple and both of their parents have to stand up and greeting each guests).

the last one is the most exhausted one, and the last one is off course, where all brides wants to be perfect.

well, I dreamed about how my wedding reception would be ( a lot and lot of white flowers)..

anywayy.., the one girl is the one I was mentioning in my previous post. yeah, her. I know at some point, I will be helping her with her wedding. So, when she asks me to come to help her out for lamaran day, I agree. At first, I was nervous, aside from the fact that my best friend will be engaged in a matter of hours, I was nervous seeing her spouse. I don’t know how to react, told to be truth, never in my wildest imagination she was getting married with this guy.

but when I saw her,  hair already done and dressed in a pretty beaded cream kebaya, I know I’m glad I was here with her. This house kept most of my memories with her, her room, her parents, her maid, her brothers, her uncle and even her late grandmother. I realised, this is another moment I want to keep, my moment with her.

Then, after all guests are gone, after one by one her family was going home, she told me, explained to me, her decision into marrying this guy. At some point, I was disagree with lots of her points.

but does it matter?

I think I agree to disagree with her. She doesn’t owe me an explanation, or a reason, or a quote from the Qur’an (not that I disagree with that one), but this is the day when she was not one person anymore, when all her decision gonna include his decision, when she is formally belong to someone, and I don’t care about reason, or explanation, I just want to celebrate this day.

-you are officially engaged now. yay!-



what I love about House  ( I refer to dr.House, not the series) is that he can say almost anything that crosses his mind, he doesn’t care if his words are insulting or annoying, or in case sounded so terrible, because he speaks (what he thinks) truths.

While that doesn’t apply in my everyday life, because I spend almost my whole life trying to be nice to everybody. I suppress my feelings or opinion because I don’t want people around me to be unhappy from something I said. It made me shut my mouth (and maybe that’s the reason I love writing so much) and all this time, I thought I was the less selfish person because I said yes , because I rather made myself unhappy than to disagree, because I try hard to please everybody.

well, it doesn’t made me a good person, but just a hypocrite.

I didn’t say I’m a whole different person right now, but yeah, I change.

At least to my closest people, I try to be myself. I try to speak what’s on my mind and not try to like what I dislike just because other people likes it.

I dress based on what I like (and some thinks I’m a weird dresser, laughing at my choice of clothes)

I do what I wanna do (and some thinks it’s unnecessary, let alone stupid or meaningless)

I say what is really on my mind (and other think I have evil thought and bad mouth)


but I’m happy,because I’m not tired of thinking : what other people will think if I…

well, sometimes I’m thinking bout that too, I’m not totally going lunatic.. and guess what, by doing what my mind tell me to do and not being a pretender, people who I care the most, stick with me.

recently, one of my closest friend, announcing she was going to get married, and yes, I had issues with her decision, and then my other friend said, it’s weird you don’t ever mention about her in your blog. Aside from the fact that she might reading it, it will left me with nothing. no advantages for me by saying ‘yeah I think your whole plan was ridikulus and stupid’.

so, I was being a pretender, the fact that I was avoiding this issue in my blog  are no difference with the real life. I don’t talk to her that much let alone see her. I was avoiding her as well. I said to myself, this was her decision as an adult, I said I respected it and it is none of my business. none at all.

so, I was being, ‘don’t care , don’t ask, don’t do anything’ about the fact my best friend was going to get married. I know it’s sad, because I was ready for my friends, that when they got married, I’m gonna burst into tears, I’m gonna help them planning the wedding, I’m gonna be with them all through the ceremony, and then, I’m gonna burst into tears again seeing them in a white kebaya wedding full of sparkling beads, making promise to Allah in front of the penghulu.

But now, it’s different. The dissapointment I felt the first time, is already gone. I just simply don’t care that much.

Then I realise, maybe it’s just we are not the same person we used to be. She was my best friend, but she is not now. I know it’s crazy to think that way, but it is just the way I feel right now. I don’t know if we could be bestfriend again but people change so I hope, yeah, we will be again someday.

being a pretender means you don’t have to face the consequences if you telling the truths, speak your mind.

you can hide in this invisible shell, hiding from other people disagreement, anger, disapointment.

but by being not, I have to accept the fact, she is gonna mad at me, don’t want to talk to me, or even sad because of me.

so it left me wondering : what’s the point of saying it out loud? why can I keep my mouth shut?  is it just my act of selfishness to say this things? because by saying it I feel good about myself?

the answer is no,

I said it because I care about her, because I learned, you don’t want to hear bullshit from your bestfriend, you want to hear the truth. Is that what friends are for? and if there is a disagreement on that, I know at least I’m not being a liar in front of her, saying good things to only made her feel better, or saying things will be okay when I know it’s not.

there is a time when you have to follow your heart.

but there is also times when your heart play a trick on your head.

that’s when a bestfriend come along.

well, I could be wrong too. But that’s not the point.

the point is, life is do sucks sometimes, pretending it don’t suck, don’t make it suck-less.

Wishing for your happiness.


saturday night in

this weekend, I decided to stay at home (while my bf busy with his old bike). I got House season 5 and ready to glue my eyes to tv. The rain come and go since the afternoon and I got Ikip made me two cup of hot tea.

Then my mom came home and we start to trashing the sinetron on tv (really guys, your stare are soooo deadly). While lulu is sleeping like a baby next to me (and my mom now kinda accept the fact that lulu will be hangin INSIDE the house, didn’t complain at all), I opened my notebook, start opening my blogs, facebook, skype and missing my sister in the other part of the world.

rain, pour please.

come home, it's warm inside

just had conversation with my sister via skype. thank you internet.

milimeters interior design

as some of my friends already know, I am an interior designer and in case you’re wondering what we’ve been doing so far, please take a look at our new blog.



Yes, I have been working side by side with my partner in crime, Nuy, since 2004. If I look back and remember what we’ve been through (and oh my, the worse payment) I was soooo glad.


Two years after working together, we decided to give our little company a name, we come with milimeters (go figure) and kinda stick with it. So, if you guys have a design disaster at your room or house, please contact us for consultation (it’s free by email!).



ordinary is good.

if you like music,

you must know every cool music from jazz to blues, from rock to techno,

because if you only listen to top 40,

then you are common.


if you like reading,

you must know every pieces that won nobel and pulitzer, the great books by great novelist.

because if you read chick lit and harry potter

then you are common.


if you like movie,

you must know classic and indies, movies with bizarre language and angle.

because if you only watch blockbuster and teen movies,

then you are common.



I like common,

and if that’s make me unspecial,

I’m okay with that.

-girl who read shopaholic, watch 17 again and listen to justin timberlake-