How I Became Friends With Jodie

When: Last November, during CELTA training at lunch break.

Where: Dunkin Donuts, 3 minutes walk from the center.

My mood: leave me alone

Who: Jodie an Aussie girl who was one of the participants in my group. We were the only girls in the group.

I had been told by my seniors at the office before I started my CELTA: make friends with people in your group, they’re the one who’s gonna help you through your course. Naturally I’m the kind of person who’s easy to be friends with people. I can be friends with most of the people I’ve met and I think that’s because I really like people in general. Everybody must have their own stories and it’s really fascinating to see things from their point of view.

But that day, I wasn’t in the mood to put up with any type of personalities. I’d been having a rough week -mostly related to me feeling inferior in CELTA environment- I decided to have a quiet lunch at Dunkin Donuts, knowing most of the participants usually had lunch at the center’s canteen. But from outside the restaurant I was annoyed to see Jodie sitting on a booth all by herself, but I didn’t want to go back to the center. So I stepped inside and hoped she didn’t see me. I walked straight to the counter and was relieved to see an empty booth far from hers.

I put my earphone and was about to enjoy my tuna sandwich and coffee when.. ‘Hi! I thought it was you!’ Damn.

Being a nice Asian, I invited her to join me. And then we chatted. She told me her bizarre encounter with a stranger in Bali. I told her about my bizarre relationship.

Little did I know that time that the conversation never really ends until this moment. (We talk via emails and facebook, now she’s in London living her dream).

A few weeks before the course ended and we would be separated without knowing when and where we’ll have coffee and talk face to face again, she told me about the day she had said hi to me at Dunkin Donuts.

Jodie: “I know you wanted to be left alone, exactly the reason I said hi’

Me : ‘You said hi to a person that you knew was not in the mood to talk?’ I asked her in disbelieve

Jodie: ‘Usually no, but that kind of person interest me. I like to push their button. Anyway, I was surprised that you invited me to join you.’

Me: ‘Well, I kinda have to, you came up and said hi. It would’ve been rude to not invite you’

Jodie: ‘Really? If I were you, I wouldn’t invite myself.’

Me: ‘If I were you, I’d stick to my doughnut and leave the annoyed girl alone.’

But I’m glad she did it. We shared so much in those four hellish weeks. On the last day of the course, she gave me a Christmas edition tumbler from Starbuck’s (I had one but it was broken and I was soooo sad that she gave me another one – exactly the same- bless you Jodie Anne Jackson)

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useless or useful?

In my class earlier this night, I used an activity for my students called useless or useful. Basically they have to think about 9 things to bring when they are stranded on a remote island. I divide them into 2 groups of three then after several minutes each group has to compare their list and have a debate which stuff they should carry, because then both of the groups can only bring 9 items. They came with funny items in their list, like Koran (which they decided to leave it for compass) and bed cover (because they refused to sleep on sand).

This make me wonder what my 9 items would be, here it is:

1. My boyfriend.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see him as an ‘item’ and no, I can live without him but here’s my reason: He can do all the manly stuff (like build a raft, hunt, make fire) and he will bring stuff I likely will forget (like knife, compass, ropes). Plus, he’s so dependable. I can lay there on the beach while he does the chores.

2. My dog, Lulu.

Well, when I’m down because – well, because I’m stranded on a remote island, I have my dog to cheer me up.

3. My flip flop

The most versatile footwear ever.

4. My laptop and the Internet

How else do I blog about my awesome cast-away/lost life? Although it’s going to make the whole stranded thing ridiculous.

5. My skin care.

My skin dries easily, plus I might get dehydrated and sunburn, I can’t live without my toner and face cream, sir, no!

6. Books

Do I need to give reason for this?

7. Shower puff

Seriously, how can a person pass a day without a bath and a shower puff? Scrub the dirt away!

8. Pen and Paper

Doodling and writing nonsense can be a good stress-relief.

9. Music

Sing and dance when you’re down and the rest of the day is going to be just fine.

 

There. Turns out I don’t really need my blackberry.

Something worth fighting for

In my college life, I think I was blessed with many good friends. I found my bestfriends, shared my dreams, cried and laughed with them. Some of them stay in my life long after we graduated. Again, I feel blessed. But there’s some funny things about friendship,  as I grow older (and hopefully wiser) I learned that we must work for friendship.

Friendship is the most fun relationship someone can ever have with another human being. You started it with common likes and hobbies, no promises or commitment yet you can count on your friends to be there when you need it. You tell your friend secrets not even your mother knew, they keep it and they accept you just the way you are. You have fun and craziness with them. You never grew tired hang around with them, even silence means comfort when you have your bestfriend by your side.

Last year, I learned the meaning of friendship the hard way. I learned that friends are not the one you can only have fun with, they’re also the one who gave you shoulder when you need to hide your tears. Because of my 26 years of living, and spend most of it being social person as someone who tend to said yes and avoid conflicts, I never really had problems with my girl friends, no fights, nothing. But last year, my world was turning upside down. I lost friends, many of them that are close to me, who I consider my bestfriends, people I really care about.

Many things happened, somehow we had a lesson about being a grown up and to deal with problems. Works, friends, relationship, families. I think the moment you realized what is important in your life, you will have the urge to fight for it. And most importantly, have the courage to fix it, say you’re sorry and try to understand – kinda like imagine you’re in their shoes- I know I’ve been selfish, I know my friends have been selfish too, but like family, you just know that you love them and care for them. And at the end, you will have to put your ego aside, because you need them in your life.

Last week, I terribly missed my good friend, who’s away in Australia right now. Thing has been difficult for us, and I know I caused her sadness. And it just doesn’t feel right. Try your best doing a ‘well, I don’t care’ act, believe me, you’ll just put another lie to shield your selfishness. So I emailed her again, tried my best to make her understand. And she replied and I can see she did her best to understand me too. She was this girl I knew but she’s more. She grows up, more mature and I can see that somehow she learned from things life gave to her. I’m so proud of her. Really proud of her. We need more time. But patience is virtue.

Nuri, my good ol’ friend said, that maybe this was a test. How hard will you work for your relationship with your friends, how determined are you to fix things and how to put our ego and being brave. I proved it with Nuy and I dare myself again.I guess the old saying cliche about friends is true, boys come and go but friends stay forever.

I was mad at one of my friend who refused to fix things, because she was scared. Maybe I have to put myself in her shoes to understand her. Or maybe she failed the test. I hope someday she’ll have the courage to do it, but for now I think you will walk with person who matter to you and you know that you matter for them. Small things like wedding ceremonies, funerals, even a text saying good luck in your final exam day, or an email in a busy hectic day to lift up the spirit, or even cupcake you bought just because you know she craves for those thing, all of it need efforts. If you only want your friends for a drink, movies, concerts, gossips -in other way, only the fun part- you can find a  lot.

But if you want friends to tell your darkest secrets, defend you even the whole world against you, mad at you because you did something wrong, hold your hand when you almost lost faith in everything, and tell it to your face ‘don’t worry, no matter how bad it will be, I’ll be here for you’ and really means it, the kind of friends you will see in your old days, someone who makes you into a better person and help you to find the best in you, I must say it’s not a lot. You’re lucky if you found one. Extremely lucky if you have some. Those kind of friends are rare because you both already passed a test, some tests probably, on how much a friendship means to each of you.

Nuy, you’re my living proof, I love you.

 

how to look cool when you’re mad in anger

This christmas, Hendra annoyed me again by bringing his delusional ex for spending christmas with his family. He didn’t tell me a word about it until they’re in his hometown. Now, that’s the line mister. I’m really sorry but I don’t go along with man who said yes to every women. That’s cheap, even for your standard. Okay, so I make a list for my how to (LOL) and since a girl added me on yahoo messenger said she read my blog and understand my position cause she’s been there, maybe this list will do somebody good.

1. laugh at it

and I mean it. sure, you’re in anger. you want to rip him in pieces and want to scream some nasty words toward him when he called you pretending nothing was wrong (oh yes, my ex came with me for christmas, she said she wants to meet my mom. um, that’s normal right?), and last, cry your hearts out why oh why he did this to youuu. But things happen in your life can be classified into two things : tragedy and comedy. So choose comedy instead. I mean, isn’t that hilarious how pathetic his ex is? or how stupid he sounds when he try to sounds cheerful so that you won’t get mad? It takes time, but believe me, when you chose to see everything from comedy’s point of view, life gets easier.

2. go for a drink

No, I don’t mean get wasted. Get your close girlfriends for a martini and some chocolate rum shake, then let them be mad for you. Sometimes you go through a stage when you’re not sure. Not sure whether you have to be mad at him. Not sure if his act is unforgivable. Now, before you reach your blackberry, talk to your girlfriend. One of my friend, said this to my face ( I think she’s a little bit tipsy) “You know, you look stupid because you always go along with him.” and the other say, “I know you’re different with all of his women. Now, prove it to me.” Okay, surely that burns something inside me. Pride. Yes. Sometime your girlfriend reminds you to hold fast onto it. Don’t lose your pride.

3. Cut him off

I deleted him from my blackberry messenger list. Well, sure he still can call me or text me, but at least not by bbm. And let him know that you cut him off. Do a silence treatment. Some says this is childish, but when you’re in anger and you’re sad you might said something you will regret later. So it’s best to just cut him off, don’t talk to him or see him. Maybe until things cool off. Then you can say calmly why you don’t like things he did to you. When you talk to a man in a controlled temper, they pay more respect, but if you blab and put some drama and tears, they’ll think you’re just “being silly”. Trust me, I tried it and it works.

4. Release your anger (in a very lady like way)

Who can keep calm 24/7? We’re not Mother Therese, we have patience sure, but it has limit too. But don’t put some nasty comments on his facebook wall or her facebook wall. Don’t block her or him from your twitter account, and stop dissing him in front of your friends and being sad and gloomy all the time. Have fun, go out, and laugh at the fact he brings his ex to his hometown (oh yeah, that would be funny if I said yes when his mother invited me for christmas, some family gathering huh?). So how to release it? Write some status on your facebook or twitter is okay, but make sure it has hidden message that only you (and your girlfriends) understand. Then have a little laught together.

5. Accept things

To act cool, you have to have a cool mind too. I know it’s hard, but you have to accept things that are not easy. He lied to you, he’s not good for you, or he’s just not that into you. Accept the fact. Accept that you maybe the loser who lost your man, but at least you’re not some loser who still chase the same man after he disappointed you, let you down, and hurt you. No, you’re better than that girl. Accept things and slowly but sure, you can act cool without even trying!

6. Forgive, but not forget

If he ask for forgiveness, that’ll be cruel not to forgive him (even God forgives). I say forgive him, you have a big heart. But now the question is, do you want to get back with him? That totally depends on each of you, all of us have different problems and different situation. Some relationship worth fighting, some not. But always remember this : never be with a man who doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t treat you properly. Don’t be afraid of losing, because some goodbye means another hello. 🙂

7. Have some pride

I don’t have much to say except to have some pride and you will be respected. It comes both ways. You can’t expect you’ll get a respect if you don’t have some pride. I like this saying, “don’t go chasing men, they’re like trains, when the other goes, the other one will come along.”

Goodluck!

 

stripy couple

Nuy and our dish

Fachril behind the wheel

I spend my Saturday afternoon with two of them.

First I get my bestfriend all by myself, and for our shopping time, her husband came along.

That’s a good thing when your bestfriend’s husband is also your best friend. I always ask him about men’s perspective on  relationship and stuff. (as clueless as us women)

At the end of the day, we go for Maranggi Satay and the three of us talk about how some relationships failed.

I love them.