“Seriously, you guys are the only singles here!”

March.

I dread this month. Pile of wedding invitations. There are 5 couples getting married this month and that is just the people I know. It must have had something to do with ‘good date’ in Javanese calendar or something I don’t know.

I used to love to come to weddings but lately I don’t. (I’ll save the ‘I don’t see the point of getting married’ rant for later). I grow tired of it lately because everybody is getting married it’s ridiculous. I know the married couples don’t exactly share the same point of view with me, but I try to make some logical points in my reason:

1. Eat standing up: Most wedding parties in Indonesia have more than 500 guests, I’ve actually been to a wedding with 3000 guests. Tell me, how do you manage to eat with your high heels, holding you clutch bag in one hand, and try to eat spaghetti without looking stupid. Tough, man. Plus, you have to queue before you are served. Ridiculous right?

2. It costs ridiculously a lot of money: I know this because I’m in the wedding industry. Just when I need some extra money, actually. I arrange flowers. Sometimes I can’t believe how easy it is for people to sign checks for dozens of million rupiah or hundreds sometimes just to make their parties look pretty. That is just the decoration, it takes  40% of the budget, the biggest goes to food. Don’t forget the dresses for the family members, the hotels for relatives, rent for the venue, invitations and souvenirs, the pre-wedding photos and the video guys. A wedding can cost you from 100 – 500 million rupiah. For a day show. Ridiculous, right?

3. Too many people : What I like about wedding is that you get to catch up with your old friends. See what they’ve been doing and share updates about each others lives. You can see that being apart since graduation day, that is 5-6 years ago, actually shows. Some with their kids, some with their husbands/wives, some lose weight, some gain weight. You meet your ex, you meet your boyfriend’s ex, you meet people that actually dislike you but you pull a smile anyway. Too many people and even though it’s nice to meet your old friends, standing and chatting and sweating are not really a good combo for a reunion.

4. The heat : Wedding usually takes place in downtown during weekend. Imagine that. And this month it seems like everybody is getting married, there are people in party dresses on their bikes, using angkot, walking down the street. Crazy. Wedding usually starts at 11.00-14.00, when the sun is just right above you. The heat, the traffic jam, the 2 inches makeup on your face that you can feel it melts, (and in my case a grumpy boyfriend),  are not a good way to start Sunday.

5. The preparation: Sometimes I envy men. They wake up, take a bath, put on a nice trousers and shirt, put on the party shoes and voila, they’re ready to go. But for us, women? Oh no… we have to suffer the 10 steps of makeups (start with moisturizer, concealer, foundation, powder, eyebrows, eye shadows, eye liners, mascara, blushes (use 2 tones if you want it to look natural) and lipsticks – finally). The night before you have to mix-match your dress and your shoes to avoid morning-chaos. Then you have to do your hair of course. Some women use traditional hair-do that requires them to go to hairdressers -some at 6 am- to get it done. We look pretty yes. For how long? Max, 45 minutes inside the venue. Life is cruel for women, it’s ridiculous.

6. Western or Eastern: We just can’t decide. In Eastern culture, let it be Javanese, or Padangese or Sundanese, we have a really rich traditions – most of them have old-religious reasons behind them. Example, in Java there are certain djarik (a traditional batik cloth) that can’t be used in weddings, there are prayers and rituals held for the brides by their make-up artist, there are keris ( a traditional weapon) that men in the family should carry, the kind of music that can be played, the color of the dress the brides can wear, the types of flowers should and shouldn’t be in a wedding. Every single details represent our culture. But now? We have all the western traditions in a wedding reception, a photo spot (what?), contemporary wedding dresses that clashes colors, western-style makeups and of course…throw the bouquet tradition.In a wedding I attended this ritual was also performed by the bride, ironically-nobody stepped up because ironically-everybody was married already. Well not everybody.. my friend who got married last year, said to me and my single friend (we were chatting) “Get in the front! You guys are the only singles here!”. Thanks, but no, thanks.

So there you go, 6 reasons why I dread wedding parties. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against weddings. I’m pro wedding. You guys, get married it’s fabulous! If it’s not then why there are so many people doing it?

But for me, my ideal wedding reception gonna be somewhere in a different continent where nobody knows us.

I don’t think we’re gonna have problem with parking spot, dear

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