Peter Parker said (indirectly to Gwen Stacy) at the end of the movie, the best kind of promises were the ones which we couldn’t keep.
These past few weeks, I encountered some experience with trust. I sat and listened to stories of my friends and some were my own, of promises that were broken. When ones went through an infidelity there were two choices to be made. It struck me though that many took the choice that I wouldn’t have thought they would. Wasn’t it quite clear? That we don’t be with someone who we couldn’t trust?
A girl friend of mine said that love is not what it takes to survive marriage, that she chose to ignore her partner infidelity in an exchange of a married life. Another said she saw her partner flaws, excepted it, as a form of commitment in their relationship. Both of them said these were things grown up people in a serious relationship should be able to deal with.
Was to sacrifice your own happiness, your own freedom, bring you a contentment in life? In some cases, contentment takes time. Maybe it will, maybe it is. To know that you make another human being happy – your spouse or your family – might make you a happy person. It was said that sacrifices made for good deeds bring happiness to the person who did it. After all, we’re not gonna live forever.
A friend of mine -who was asking for my advice when he was in doubt of his own relationship- said I was the kind of person who put my happiness first, that means I was selfish. I should be more like him; sacrifice his own freedom and happiness so he wouldn’t hurt his spouse. I was dumbstruck, was it wrong to put our happiness first? Or was it just his justification of his cowardice to choose a road less traveled?
In one of Pocahontas’ soundtrack, ‘Just Around The River Bend’, she sang about choices she decided to take. “To be safe we lose our chance of ever knowing.”
When I asked my friend why didn’t she break up with her boyfriend if she couldn’t take it anymore? She said she was afraid of being alone. She chose to be safe and decided to take her feet off the river.
Sometimes, promises need to be broken.
Sometimes, we need to trust our instinct before we start to trust other.
And sometimes -lots of times- we need to be brave.
It’s not my justification for my act, nor defense for any act of infidelity. But maybe we need to take closer look for what fidelity means. If by keeping your promise means you would be honest and loyal to your spouse, that would be great. But if by doing so you lied and betrayed yourself, what form of infidelity was worse than that?
Everybody wants freedom, but Queen Ellinor in the movie ‘Brave’ asked a good question : Are you willing to pay the price your freedom will cost you?
I must say, I paid mine. Wasn’t easy. But it’s worth every second of it. 🙂