how to look cool when you’re mad in anger December 27, 2010

This christmas, Hendra annoyed me again by bringing his delusional ex for spending christmas with his family. He didn’t tell me a word about it until they’re in his hometown. Now, that’s the line mister. I’m really sorry but I don’t go along with man who said yes to every women. That’s cheap, even for your standard. Okay, so I make a list for my how to (LOL) and since a girl added me on yahoo messenger said she read my blog and understand my position cause she’s been there, maybe this list will do somebody good.

1. laugh at it

and I mean it. sure, you’re in anger. you want to rip him in pieces and want to scream some nasty words toward him when he called you pretending nothing was wrong (oh yes, my ex came with me for christmas, she said she wants to meet my mom. um, that’s normal right?), and last, cry your hearts out why oh why he did this to youuu. But things happen in your life can be classified into two things : tragedy and comedy. So choose comedy instead. I mean, isn’t that hilarious how pathetic his ex is? or how stupid he sounds when he try to sounds cheerful so that you won’t get mad? It takes time, but believe me, when you chose to see everything from comedy’s point of view, life gets easier.

2. go for a drink

No, I don’t mean get wasted. Get your close girlfriends for a martini and some chocolate rum shake, then let them be mad for you. Sometimes you go through a stage when you’re not sure. Not sure whether you have to be mad at him. Not sure if his act is unforgivable. Now, before you reach your blackberry, talk to your girlfriend. One of my friend, said this to my face ( I think she’s a little bit tipsy) “You know, you look stupid because you always go along with him.” and the other say, “I know you’re different with all of his women. Now, prove it to me.” Okay, surely that burns something inside me. Pride. Yes. Sometime your girlfriend reminds you to hold fast onto it. Don’t lose your pride.

3. Cut him off

I deleted him from my blackberry messenger list. Well, sure he still can call me or text me, but at least not by bbm. And let him know that you cut him off. Do a silence treatment. Some says this is childish, but when you’re in anger and you’re sad you might said something you will regret later. So it’s best to just cut him off, don’t talk to him or see him. Maybe until things cool off. Then you can say calmly why you don’t like things he did to you. When you talk to a man in a controlled temper, they pay more respect, but if you blab and put some drama and tears, they’ll think you’re just “being silly”. Trust me, I tried it and it works.

4. Release your anger (in a very lady like way)

Who can keep calm 24/7? We’re not Mother Therese, we have patience sure, but it has limit too. But don’t put some nasty comments on his facebook wall or her facebook wall. Don’t block her or him from your twitter account, and stop dissing him in front of your friends and being sad and gloomy all the time. Have fun, go out, and laugh at the fact he brings his ex to his hometown (oh yeah, that would be funny if I said yes when his mother invited me for christmas, some family gathering huh?). So how to release it? Write some status on your facebook or twitter is okay, but make sure it has hidden message that only you (and your girlfriends) understand. Then have a little laught together.

5. Accept things

To act cool, you have to have a cool mind too. I know it’s hard, but you have to accept things that are not easy. He lied to you, he’s not good for you, or he’s just not that into you. Accept the fact. Accept that you maybe the loser who lost your man, but at least you’re not some loser who still chase the same man after he disappointed you, let you down, and hurt you. No, you’re better than that girl. Accept things and slowly but sure, you can act cool without even trying!

6. Forgive, but not forget

If he ask for forgiveness, that’ll be cruel not to forgive him (even God forgives). I say forgive him, you have a big heart. But now the question is, do you want to get back with him? That totally depends on each of you, all of us have different problems and different situation. Some relationship worth fighting, some not. But always remember this : never be with a man who doesn’t appreciate you and doesn’t treat you properly. Don’t be afraid of losing, because some goodbye means another hello.

7. Have some pride

I don’t have much to say except to have some pride and you will be respected. It comes both ways. You can’t expect you’ll get a respect if you don’t have some pride. I like this saying, “don’t go chasing men, they’re like trains, when the other goes, the other one will come along.”

Goodluck!

 

stripy couple December 26, 2010

Nuy and our dish

Fachril behind the wheel

I spend my Saturday afternoon with two of them.

First I get my bestfriend all by myself, and for our shopping time, her husband came along.

That’s a good thing when your bestfriend’s husband is also your best friend. I always ask him about men’s perspective on  relationship and stuff. (as clueless as us women)

At the end of the day, we go for Maranggi Satay and the three of us talk about how some relationships failed.

I love them.

Kandura Cleaning Day! December 26, 2010

Tisa and Nuri, Pak Ayat, apron on, ready to get dirty

me, looks like some crazy hammering on un-used biscuits

this what part of the workshop looks like

Bi Yati, strangely talking to Tisa’s ceramic sculpture

Where Tisa and Nuri works, gossip and play city of wonder :p

Tisa’s work for her exhibition on January

Still laughing, that’s because they just start..

Tisa’s work, a mini cute chair. I want one!

from outside the window, Tisa’s beautiful works, can’t wait for her exhibition!

my favorite place, the alley on their workshop.

Kandura, Christmas Day.

crash December 25, 2010

that’s him on the sack.

nothing but a useless piece that waiting to be crashed.

so I did.

Again and again.

 

*that feels gooooooooooooood!!*

at kandura workshop, helping on cleaning and crashing.

you and I December 24, 2010

are nada.

I had enough of your stupid charade. you can have your own circus show and I’ll be glad to be one of the audience.

you know some things are worth laughed at.

merry christmas

17th of december December 19, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER SASA

you drive us mad, both in a good and crazy way.

19 !

 

what we are looking for December 19, 2010

This new year me and my bestfriend will go for a beach, we’re going to Belitung, a beautiful island in Sumatra with gorgeous beach.I can’t wait for next week and off to white sand and blue sky.  I think, both of us need this.

This past few days, I’ve been thinking about stuff. Especially about the relationship and him. Like usual, he become distance all of sudden, but not like before, this is the first time I really don’t care anymore. It’s true, I’m still thinking about him but it’s like trying to solve a formula and you just too tired to actually care. His words months before coming back to me and I remembered how inappropriate those words are. It’s true I guess wanting someone who doesn’t seems to want you then want you and not want you again can be very interesting, it’s like chasing a ghost and my gosh, how thrilling is that.

But as I sat alone at this restaurant, no one here but me and my laptop, a company of hot tea and it’s almost late in the night, the rain is drizzling and the radio try their best to play a good sappy song, I feel eased.

Last night I met him at my friend’s exhibition opening, I also met her who keep babbling about serious art stuff, and I happened to know that his mom who’s in town went out with his ex who always be a good escort everytime his family member is in town. When he told me this, I can’t help but let out a laugh.

This is stupid. This is a joke. His love life and all of his women is like a charade in a circus. They look ridiculous and though I’m sure they’re smart and nice and all, they look like a clown.  They want more of him, those little pieces he’s giving away and then they want the whole cake.

He asked me why I laughed, I said nothing, but I can see he knows why. Maybe he’ll end up with one of his exes, or one of his many women and they will live happily ever after. I don’t know. But at that moment I was struck how ridiculous all these things are. And I refused to be part of this anymore.

I don’t want to be in those tangled relationship anymore. I guess, what I want it’s the same like what I want before : I want a calm ride on the boat, not a ride in a roller-coaster. I love to enjoy the view rather that have everything blurry because we’re moving too fast. Everybody wants someone, everybody needs to be loved and be a lover, I knew that feeling, I almost see I’m feeling those butterflies and those moment when madness come and then a peaceful feeling when you can rest your head on someone shoulder. I know he wants that too.

But you know there are moments that things just doesn’t work the way we want to. Like an mp3 battery that drained when we still have a long journey to go (and forced to hear the shuttle’s radio), like a long queue to go when we were in the cinema’s ladies room and the movie is just about to start, like a rain that happened to pour just when you decided to left your umbrella at home. Like the feeling of waiting and waiting and then nothing good happened.

Irritated, disappointed, sad.

But at least now I know what I’m looking for and going to do: a long lasting mp3 battery, go to the loo at least fifteen minutes before the movie start, bring an umbrella especially on December, don’t wait but make good thing happened.

 

on the way home on taxi. my favorite part at every end of days. rain+night+earphone+sit watching traffic outside

feeling good December 17, 2010

some people say, “ignorance is a bliss”, yes true, but it’s sort of temporary bliss. For quiet some time, I did that, I chose not to care and not to know, because I knew that the truth will somehow hurt me. But today I change my point of view of seeing a bliss. I say to myself that I have to be strong even if I knew what lies beneath, I don’t want a bliss that come from an ignorance.

Then it gets better, I breath easier and though my heart beats faster, I know I’ll be okay eventually. People appearance is like a sugar coat, we used that coat once in a while and when you use it too much, you maybe lose the real you. He wears too much she wears too much.. It’s fake and the sad thing is they think it’s pretty and fabulous.

One time, at an LV opening store party, I came along with him. We met beautiful people, polished people, we drink champagne and eat tiny cakes. We have waitress moving around with trays of snacks and there’s one waitress, he had this tiny ice cream on his tray, then by accident, he dropped one ice cream on the perfectly polished LV floor. His supervisor snapped at him and he rushed to clean the floor. That was happened only in minutes. But at that time, I hate myself. Sitting on a stool with champagne in one hand and tiny cheese cake on the other. I don’t want to be this girl and to be frankly, none of those things amused me. Not the glitz on the store walls, not the celebrities, not the champagnes, not the beautiful bags and the glasses. Not by him (who happened to be one of 15 guest models for the new sunglass collection) and not by her (who also happened to be one of the guest models).

the truth just make it even clearer and I’m pretty sure this one will make me stronger.

I promise myself to never lose who I really am. to be good and to be true.

Saying is easier than done, I stumble once in a while too. I lied and I used some sugarcoat.

But if I can turn back time, I will jump off my stool and help the poor waitress cleaning the floor instead just sitting there as if nothing worth seen happened. Then at the moment I feel uncomfortable I will immediately say to him goodbye and hop to a taxi, and find some good friend who’ll say yes to a simple cup of coffee.

I guess we must to learn these things.

what I’m thinking at 0.59 am December 13, 2010

I’m thinking….

1. to apply for a online short course for creative writing. It took about 12 weeks and start in February. After this course (it’s a level 1), I can enroll for the level 2 program.

2. my new blog, well it’s a blog for my bit and pieces in writing.. mostly some poems.. you can check it out.. (http://chitacrosswords.blogspot.com/)

3. how to get better in teaching, english and writing..

4. how to get time for designing new notebook (yeah, I kinda miss my old project)

5. how am I be able to wake up in five hours from now…

6. Bob Dylan’s Mr. Tambourine Man lyrics. google it, it’s amazingly beautiful..

7. What to wear tomorrow, I just got a dark red legging and  confused how to .. oh well, let’s just go to sleep.

and I met her.. December 13, 2010

last saturday I met my long lost buddy, Vina (yep, the girl with the mouth wide open for no reason). She still this pretty little thing that seems unaware that she is indeed, beautiful. I always love how corny and stupid she was (and still is).

We’re eating at Tizi with Tisa, Nuri and Chacha. Nice Saturday night.

Narnia December 13, 2010

I just watched this. Hendra insisted on watching this one but I never really like this chronicles before, but since we watch almost all the movies available there (except “The Changi Ghost” which I doubt will beat Narnia) so we pick this. Turns out, I love it! The special effect was amazing (though we didn’t watch it in 3d due to his headache) the storyline was good and I love Eustace, Edmund and Susan’s cousin who at the first part of the movie kinda remind me of Harry Potter’s uncle with his constant complaints and his attitude toward all magical things, but he’s the narrative of this movie and become some kind of scene stealer. FYI, as far as I remember, I didn’t watch the Prince Caspian but it didn’t really matter. Nice one.

she sells sea shell with a fiery red hair! December 11, 2010

did I say I just love my new job? oh yes I did, but what makes some job fun is the co-workers. I have the nicest and funniest people here, I can’t believe I’m actually enjoying office life. Here’s my fellow teacher, Ophel, she just dyed her hair bright red. It’s sooooooooo coool, we call her hair fruity-like, I really want to do some daring color dye to my hair too! maybe for a highlight, let’s see.. apple green?

and this one is a beautiful shell from Dan, a fellow teacher from Aussie. He’s so nice that when I blurt to bring me some ‘oleh-oleh’ from his beach trip this holiday weekend, he bought me this shell. Put it next to your ear, and you can hear the sound of the ocean. I never had a shell this big before, so I look and look at this thing in awe. nice isn’t he?

thing that’s to cruel to say December 10, 2010

yesterday, before meeting my friends, I visited my grandpa. He was this old funny man who love love love to talk about his old days. Yesterday he told me when he was in a war, he was 19 years old. I sit next to him in the big couch and he was talking and talking for about almost two hours. One of his story is when his friend died in his arm, and on his last breath he was saying my grandpa name. He was only 19 and he saw death took his bestfriend’s life.

when I realized this, I must say we’re lucky that we’re able to enjoy our days without death hanging over our head. Yet, we took that for granted. I said this to Nuy while we were having breakfast, you know those social network things is silly, why must it matters so much why we follow and unfollow certain people? and why must we unfollow or block some of our friends just because we dislike things that they do in real life? I personally think it’s okay to block or unfollow someone, but just don’t take it seriously.

then, we remember things that happen between us and our circle of friends, distrust and betrayal mainly about boys. One of my friend being told by her boyfriend to “just stop being friends with them and find new friends”.

I just thought, that’s a cruel things to say.

come on, between friends, misunderstanding happened, we did bad stuff to each other, we broke each other’s heart, we talk mean things behind our friends back but is it right to “stop being friends”?

I’m not being a drama here, but really, we ‘re lucky to be alive and sometimes we must appreciate things, like our friends.

Just thanked God they’re still here and just remember you’ll be sorry when you decided to “stop being friends” and then they’re not here anymore.

hamburger and fries, green tea latte and her company December 10, 2010

Yesterday I went to Jakarta, attending a new store opening at Plaza Indonesia. But what I really looking for is to meet my bestfriend, Nurul. We ate at Kitchenette, hungry, I ordered one big burger and fries. It was great, having her to hear my rubbish talk was nice. She’s the only one who can get me. Do you ever have a bestfriend who can be mad at you but at the same time take care of you? if you do, you’re lucky. I’m lucky to have her. Specially at moment like this. There we are, sitting with lemon tea and green tea latte in front of us, talking about things and a little bit bewildered that future has so many surprises for us. we kinda swirl out of control and it’s scary as hell. as I sip my green milky liquid I said to her, ‘but at least I have you’.

oh yes, and I met Fahril and Edo as well. Edo as I know that you read my blog religiously, I hate to admit this but I’m kinda miss you and your evil comment on anything moving. :p you’re a jerk, but we’re all a jerk once in a while right?

gorgeous ladies December 7, 2010

 

what I wore on Monday Cloudy Monday December 7, 2010

monday was sun-less since morning. I wore my boots with black legging and my capelet. here’s hanging with Udin, who wore gorgeous red doc-mar boots.

Tangled December 7, 2010

This monday is great, I just had one class, which is my favorite class then after work, me and surprise,surprise, Hendra, watched Rapunzel. I was excited because the review for this movie is great and Udin said this one was good, coming from a guy who smokes a lot and riding vespa and wear boots I knew I had to watch this. So like Hendra was saying, ‘don’t ever make plan for anything, it lessen the fun’, we didn’t plan for this either. It has to be luck that we still got the tickets and a nice seat since the cinema was almost full.

The movie was funny! It’s different from the original Rapunzel, but it has great storyline and must I say more? I looooove Disney’s moviess! This one is my favorite scene! Flynn and Rapunzel riding on a boat to watch the flying lanterns. It was soooo beautiful and um, weird to say this, also magical.

 

 

Ironically, just like the movie tittle, I found myself tangled in this stupid relationshit. Just as we get closer each time, we need time apart also to breath. We always drive each other crazy and sometime I did not find him amusing at all. Just plain annoying. *sigh*

monsters, ghosts and one rich man for a weekend December 5, 2010

without any plan, me and Hendra watched this movie. It was rainy Friday night and I was soo fed up with works after 3 classes. So it was nice to have a movie night, and the movie we watched is about earth 6 years after alien came to earth. Human learn to adapt with it. The setting took place in Mexico and it really have a great cinematography and story.

 

anyway, in Saturday I met him again, he seemed to be in a good mood and when I made comment about this (I’m glad he’s in a good mood, but somehow it’s annoyed me), he said joking, ‘don’t make this saturday gloomy like last saturday’ .

as if it was my fault he was being an asshole last saturday. last saturday I was so effing mad at him for being a jerk, we were watching movie and he kept silence all night. At that time I really want to kick him in the crotch, well he apologized later, but how come  he blamed it on me that he was in a bad mood?

I said to him when we were watching Social Network on DVD, “you know what, Mark reminds me of you. In fact he just like you, you just do what you pleased and don’t care about other people too much.”

at this point, he just laughed.

Btw, Social Network is really a  must watch movie!! It’s good , good , great!

and just like proving my point, he selfishly stopped my Last Exorcism movie to watch Paranormal Activity 2. He just didn’t have the guts to watch this silly movie all alone. Anyway it has lots of surprising effect but feel too made up. But it’s not bad for a Saturday night movie.

okay, let’s go to bed (this movie scene gets to my head and feel a lil bit paranoid). To sum it up, nice weekend.

vogue and ramen on sunday December 5, 2010

Sunday.

I spend most of my Sunday sleeping. It feels soooo nice. The rain is pouring and I was just chilling at my bed with lulu, after that I drove to town with my sister Sasa, picking up my late magazines from the magazine guy at Cikapundung (he sells imported magazines with reasonable prices and Sunday is the only time I can drive there and pick them up) then, we have ramen and matcha latte at Kedai Ling Ling.

It took toooo long for the ramen and by the time it served we’re not hungry anymore, but because we know the owner (who is very nice) we ate those spicy thick ramen soup with half -hearted (and drove home nauseated) LOL.

Anyway, nice sunday it is.

new hair, gifts and a girl’s pride December 5, 2010

new hair.

I cut and permed (again) my hair. result = it becomes messy curly and I look like just got out of bed without my headband on. but I like it. anyway, I always love doing things with my look. My friend Nuy collects photo of me since highschool and we laughed at my past looks! I can’t count how many times I change my hairdo. Long and straight, long and wavy, short and straight, medium and curly, medium and wavy, bangs, brown, red.

Not only hair, I do stupid and crazy things too with clothes. My mom always complaint about how I mixed my clothes, but Nuy said this when she bought a top she liked (but not so sure it would looks good on her), “I remember you and I just bought it, I don’t care what other’ll think”.

True, I never really care what others will think, let alone hear their negative comments. Oh yes, I got that all the time. Believe me. But at some point, I just don’t care too much. So what? It just clothes. Most importantly, it’s mine. I can do whatever I want with it.

Speak of fashion, I just got a present, a super cool Mango capelet from Hendra. I’ve been eyeing this for months so it’s just great. It really helps since now it’s Bandung in rainy season and I’m using angkot and ojeg most of the time. Last saturday after work, I’m strolling down Dago street with my new capelet, it’s drizzled and wet everywhere. I love this kind of afternoon.

And gift. My mom said never received gifts from men, because it bad for a girl’s pride. I couldn’t agree more. It is true that girls like gift, and they like expensive gifts from men. But some men used this to get some control of the girls (and sad but true, but some girls can be controlled by things). So I have rule : never received gifts that you can’t afford by yourself. I can buy this capelet by myself, but I let him bought it from me. Just because it’s nice to receive things and to give things. It shows that we are two human being that needed appreciation and a feel-good feeling of giving gifts.

Now
… I need ideas for christmas gift..

it’s amazing.. December 5, 2010

1. that even I got 3 jobs I still need more money. I received my pay and then in the count of days I had to spend it for bills, bills, bills. I also get so easily distracted when I went to a mall. I guess my faith isn’t that strong when I pass cosmetic counters ( a green eyeliner oh-so-cool ), home appliances ( a cute yellow steam iron for my newly married friend, a burgundy towel for me), mango ( very dark blue high waist trousers ) and Zara (a leather string headband), Optic (contacts and drops), bookstore (new comic books, some magazines..). Why can’t I save more??

2. that when you say ‘yes’ to certain questions and ‘no’ to certain requests, you’ll find yourself out of your comfort zone into more comforter zone. I kinda disagree when people say things like, ‘you have to get out of your comfort zone’ made it sounds uncomfortable and of course lots of people will reluctant to do that. Who’s in their right mind want to get out from a cozy blanket to a chilly windy street to get.. what? experience? better self? I don’t do that, instead I just said yes to things I think I will like to do it. And then, I’m a zone – movers. I think you don’t have to push yourself doing something you don’t like just to be a better you, that’ll makes you a .. not so nice person?

3. how you’ll change your mind, you might hate what you think you’ll like, and vice versa. Years ago, I hate teaching. I always said I can’t teach and I don’t like kids. Look where I’m right now : cutting body parts flash cards for my children’s class game.

4. that when you work hard, and I mean hard enough until you catch fever and flu and sore throat, you will spend less time thinking about how hard life’s been to you. You will care less about boys, about your heartbreaks, about some friends who now turns to hate you or unfollow you on twitter. Your time and energy will be focused to more important stuff (do a lesson plan, wake up really early so I can teach cad to Om Taufik in the morning, don’t forget to download the hokey pokey song). It’s rather hard to stay mad or sad when you’re too tired to change clothes once you get home.